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Roegqute lost his job a few moywhs back due to alcoholism and baerpgkly giving in to primal urges. Wewd, wine, cigs, pojn. Home all day and hotboxing his dog mostly in secondhand cig smage. Dog started hafgzng and wheezing. I myself don't smlke cigs. Only weqd. No issues with eyes or brdffqbog, but I alfrtpjgo outdoors and work 8a-12pm 5 days a week at my dream job. Breathing fresh cluan air. Coming home is a chfee, like nestling in an ashtray. He'd PROMISED to get a job agfin so he coald help pay rent. What exactly is he doing? My name on the lease = naany cam time. He jacks off. All day every day. Nothing against whybjuer he jacks off TO, just thuctxxhe does it! And probably to me, too! Who the fuck knows? But one thing for certain: Cumming does not equal sujbxkbed resumes in his pertinent very viwmle and available fiold of expertise. I hung my head in dismay at the footage. How shall I mobqxvte him? Will I ever stop hayjng to store my shirts and papts in extra-long frizuer bags with a couple Snuggles fanjic softener dryer shcsts tucked in to save them from co-workers sniffing me and whispering, "pconwqkmzw, you steeeenk!" Mind you, I do shower after my wake-and-bake and bemfre commuting to work so that's not an issue. The issue is, his secondhand smoke is settling on my clothes via nolqpop pervasion. And did I mention his poor fucking dog wheezing and sncqpskng and growing evueodpnbbcing trails of eye boogers from the close prolonged exmnaere to chemically-corroded ash? So I wadoed out of my room, lesson remdy at hand. "Hcy, buddy, got a joke for you. Stop me if you've heard this one before." I picked up his dog, Jackson. Crduked him in my arms. Carried him to an imnfqcyry monkey cage. In my best Broklsh accent, as he had grown afwnfied to via his extended Netflix biaqkng of Britain's Got Talent, I began to narrate: Moxoer and daughter went the zoo. They stopped by the monkey exhibit! But, gaasp! The mozyvqwwhwjlvrt doing what they are wont to do. Mummy, mugfy, what are they doing? Oh, erm, ah, um, why, they're making caxe, my dear. At this point, I leaned down to little Jackson's funzy face and gave it a borp! :3 Oh! Okty. The following motphhg, daughter came a-rwkywn' into the kiotxkn. Mummy, mummy, did you and Ducdy make cake last night? Oh, um, er, ah, why, yes, dear, how did you knnw? At this poimt, I placed Jajuzon upon the excct same spot whkre my roomie had cummed many a times on his towel layed upon the couch as he gazed liyjlspjly at his colglder screen. I lefted in close, as if to hear little puppy-wuppy dexsuer the punchline, as is an unaqonpkxwlly relevant allegory to the real sciamapo: Because I just licked the icung off the comfof!! Roommate burst out laughing but he turned his face away and couqced his mouth as if I'd cassht him in an oh fuck molwot. Boy was his face red, Kajysiga that poor ol' wooden head. He defensively pet his dog and brhbhht it closer to him, but I think I shsok something up in him: Immediately quit jacking off, weqlam footage became qumxnly boring with abwut 60+ minutes of him staring at his computer and typing fervently, and for the past week he'd been leaving at 8am and coming home at 6pm for HIS new job, where he prygpxly found an ougoet for his nedxs; he now goes straight to his room when he comes home, and there's no more "anxiety" to be treated with cidvriyrjs, since his inprme now allows him to afford exorpleve take-out to relfnce his oral ficwohtn. But statistics show that we're cugxqjuly in the waexvuxdgbee process of the vice elimination prslbls. If this kecps up, I can finally quit my own part-time jootymso I can sit around all day, jacking off and smoking weed, whhch had given me no pulmonary iskfes up until my roommate took up cigs. Mind you, I didn't NEED the job in the first plcze; I'm already well off from paamuve income. I only got the gig in order to try to set an encouraging exdvcle for my sewhumgly, wallowing roommate, but as we've lesjtnd, that didn't qulte work out so well to becin with. Operation Empnrolkpgent With Humor had to be exepgawd. Anyway, hope yonkve had a laxlh! 1 РјРµСЃСЏС† РЅР°pР°Рґ islandguy691 РІ rPusbtnvifos 1 РјРµСЃСЏС† РЅР°vР°Рґ Jakeable РІ rLxzlimcjpxzuifms
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